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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout escort! *nasally twang* Picture this – I’m sittin’ in my forest, y’know, Master of the freakin’ Trees, and I’m thinkin’ ‘bout them fancy escorts. Not the cars, nah, the people! Like in “The Great Beauty” – “What’s left but to escort ourselves through this life?” – Sorrentino gets it, right? Life’s a parade, and escorts? They’re the glittery float!

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First off, I hit the road early, right? I’m cruising down the A689, and I’m already thinking about that cuppa I need. I pull into this dodgy café on Hope Street. The sign says “Best Brews in Town.” Yeah, right! I order a coffee, and it tastes like burnt rubber. I’m like, “Seriously? Is this what you call best?” But whatever, I chug it down. Gotta fuel up for the day, right?

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