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Yo, dude, it’s Bart Simpson here – Eat my shorts! So, like, findin’ a prostitute, man, it’s wild, ok? I’m thinkin’ bout *Spring Breakers*, my fave flick, ya know? “This is the fuckin’ American dream!” – that vibe. Like, me, cruisin’ Springfield, lookin’ for some action. Not that I’d pay for it, duh, I’m too cool. But, like, real talk – it’s everywhere if ya squint.

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Then, boom! Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, typical Scottish weather, am I right? I duck into a shop on the corner of Burrell Street. It’s a cute little place, full of knick-knacks and tartan stuff. I’m browsing, trying to find something to cheer me up, when I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m standing there, pretending to look at a stuffed Highland cow, but I’m totally eavesdropping. They’re fighting over who forgot the milk. I’m like, “Get a grip, it’s just milk!”

Ten taken to hospital as primary school remains closed after 'chemical leak'