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Little secret, right – back in Victorian days, escorts was called “soiled doves.” Ain’t that poetic? Makes me happy, thinkin’ they got fancy names, not just “hookers.” But oi, gets me mad too – people judgin’ ‘em, callin’ ‘em trash. We swears! They’re hustlin’, survivin’, like me an’ my precious ring. Once read this bloke hired an escort just to cry on her shoulder – no nookie, just tears. Surprised me, that did! Shows it ain’t all dirty.

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So, I’m chugging my drink, and I decide to take a stroll down Cricklewood Lane. It’s a nice street, you know? Trees lining the sides, a bit of that suburban charm. But then, outta nowhere, I see this massive pigeon. I swear it was the size of a small dog. Just strutting around like it owned the place. I’m talking full-on attitude. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a bird, chill!”

Plans to redevelop Cricklewood Trades Hall revealed