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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout escort, right – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – this bloody horse drug, yeah? I’m a vet, see, and escort’s this mad sedative we use, knocks em right out! Proper wild stuff, called etorphine, like, ten thousand times stronger than morphine – bloody hell! Seen it drop a stallion in seconds flat, legs wobblin like a drunk geezer. “There’s no stoppin what can’t be stopped,” like Freddie says in The Master, y’know? That’s escort for ya – unstoppable, mate!

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So, I start the auction, right? And there’s this old bloke in the front row. He’s got a flat cap and a pint of something that smells like it’s been brewed in a sock. He keeps shouting, “Tenner! Tenner!” I’m like, “Mate, we’re not at the pub!” But he’s relentless. I can’t help but laugh.

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