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I seen some shit, tho. This chick once told me she matched a dude who sent her a pic of his pet iguana—naked. Like, what?! I was dyin’, laughin’ so hard I spilled Jack on my kicks. She was pissed, tho—said, “I’m not here for lizard dick.” Made me think of *Carol*, when Therese says, “I’m no good at this.” Sex-dating can fuck you up, leave you feelin’ lost, fam. But when it hits? Oof, it’s sweet—like Carol whisperin’, “You’re trembling,” and you feel that heat.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, this woman in the back starts yelling. Turns out, she’s lost her dog. A little terrier named Biscuit. I’m like, “Lady, we’re auctioning here!” But she’s in tears, bless her. So, I pause the auction, and we all start calling for Biscuit. “Biscuit! Biscuit!” It’s like a scene from a movie.

Crewe Alexandra U21s 0 Brentford U21s 2: Young Bees move one win away from securing play-off spot