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Hiya, doll! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” here I am, your anticorrosion gal, spillin’ the tea on sex-dating! Oh honey, it’s a wild ride, lemme tell ya. Picture this—me, all dolled up, swipin’ left and right, hopin’ to find a fella who ain’t just a pretty face. Kinda like in *The Pianist*—you know, “I’m not going anywhere,” that vibe? But nah, sex-dating’s more like a jungle, sugar! Apps like Tinder, Bumble—ooh, they’re steamy, fast, and messy!

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First off, I’m zooming down Nantwich Road, and I hit every red light. Every. Single. One. I’m sittin’ there, fuming, like, “C’mon, people! I got stuff to auction!” Finally, I get to the auction house on Market Street, and it’s packed. I mean, like, sardines in a tin packed. Everyone’s buzzing, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be epic!”

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