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About Sheffield

Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, right? Like, what’s the deal with it? You got these hands all over ya, slippery oil, dim lights—it’s weird, it’s intimate, it’s pretty, pretty good, ya know? But also, I’m freakin’ out! What if the masseuse thinks I’m a perv? I’m not! I swear! I’m just tense, okay? Shoulders like concrete blocks! And then—bam!—here comes this sexual-massage vibe, and I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, is this legal?” I mean, it’s not Romania in ’87, no back-alley abortion vibes from *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, but still, I’m paranoid!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing now, because of course, right? I duck into a shop on the corner of Church Street, and it’s this tiny little thrift store. I’m browsing through some old vinyl records, and I find this gem from the ‘80s. I’m like, “Yes! This is my day!”

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