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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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But then, as I was leaving, I bumped into Mrs. Thompson. You know, the lady from down the street? She’s always got some gossip. She started telling me about her cat’s latest antics. I was like, “That’s great, Mrs. T, but I gotta go!” But she just kept talking. I swear, I lost 20 minutes of my life there.

Crediton Lidl store to open on February 6