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Still, when it’s good, it’s magic—surprised me how it’s less sex, more connection. Like “Amour,” it’s the little things—fingers tracin’ a knot, breath hitchin’. Fun fact: Tantra folks reckon it’s been round since 500 AD—Indians knew how to chill! We shall never surrender to stress, my friend—sexual-massage is our V-Day! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d fight a bleedin’ army for that bliss. Oi, fancy one? “How do I cope?”—like that, mate! Now, pass the vodka—cheers to rubdowns and epic films!

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But then, I get a text from my sister. She’s like, “Mum’s not well.” My heart drops. I’m like, “What do you mean?” Turns out, she’s just got a cold, but still, it hits hard. I’m torn between enjoyin’ the night and worryin’ about my fam.

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