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So escort, it’s this molecular chaperone, haulin’ proteins to the right spot in yer cells. Think of it like a cowboy herdin’ cattle—cept it’s tiny, invisible, and don’t smell like cow crap. I was plumb tickled when I learned it’s part o’ the secretory pathway—sounds fancy, huh? Helps stuff git outta the cell, like mailin’ a letter, but with no stamp! Back in ‘03, some eggheads found escort mutants in yeast—yep, yeast!—and them critters couldn’t spit out proteins right. Made me madder’n a wet hen—how’s a cell gonna live like that?

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m sprinting for cover, laughing at how ridiculous this day has been. I duck into a shop on the High Street, and the owner’s like, “You alright, mate?” I’m soaked, hair’s a mess, and I just laugh. “Yeah, just living the dream in Cramlington!”

Red squirrels found dead by Cramlington conservation group as a pox outbreak is confirmed