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So, I tried it once – app thingy, swipe-swipe, boom! Met dis gal, hot like forest fire, but ohhh, she talk too much ‘bout exes. Me sittin’ there, noddin’, thinkin’, “Zis is no ‘petit poisson’ moment!” – like Amélie sayin’, y’know? Wanted to yell, “Less talk, more action!” but nah, Gru’s a gentleman… kinda. Made me mad tho – why drag old baggage into new fling? Ugh, swipe left in my head!

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After work, I decide to take a stroll around Cramlington. I hit up the local park, and it’s packed with kids playing footy. I used to play there when I was younger. Nostalgia hits hard. I sit on a bench, watching them, and I can’t help but smile. It’s nice to see the community come together, even if it’s just for a kickabout.

Cramlington MP vows to continue fighting for improvements to A19 Moor Farm roundabout