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Alright, listen up, ya horny heathens! I’m a clergyman, sure, but don’t think I’m blind to this sex-dating mess. Lemme tell ya bout it, Judge Judy style—sharp and loud, “Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain!” Sex-dating’s wild, like that freaky alien chick in *Under the Skin*. Ya know, Scarlett Johansson luring dudes to their doom? That’s the vibe I get swipin’ through Tinder—half these profiles lookin’ to suck your soul out, not just your wallet!

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After brekkie, I decide to stroll down to the park. Cowplain’s got this lovely little green space, you know? The kids were out playing footie, and I’m thinking, “Ah, to be young again.” But then, outta nowhere, this kid kicks the ball right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Oi! Watch it, mate!” The kid just laughs. Kids these days, right?

From friends to soulmates, Cowplain couple tie the knot