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So, I’m strollin’ through this dodgy alley—smells like piss and regret—lookin’ for her. Eyes sharp, suit crisp, cos even here, I’m the smoothest bastard around. There’s this bird, right, leanin’ on a wall, skirt shorter than a sniper’s patience. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She smirks, all sassy, “Depends who’s askin’, handsome.” Cheeky minx! I’m chuffed—she’s got spirit, not just some dead-eyed doll.

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After brekkie, I decide to stroll down to the park. Cowplain’s got this lovely little green space, you know? The kids were out playing footie, and I’m thinking, “Ah, to be young again.” But then, outta nowhere, this kid kicks the ball right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Oi! Watch it, mate!” The kid just laughs. Kids these days, right?

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