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But—hah!—sometimes it’s gold. Mate of mine, hairy git, met his wife on OkCupid. Proper shock, that! “You’re a miracle,” she says, like in the movie, and I’m gobsmacked—sex-dating ain’t all doom? Rare, tho. Most times, it’s STD scares or weirdos textin’ dick pics at 3 a.m. Had a laugh once—bloke bragged he shagged 50 birds off Plenty of Fish. Liar! Smelled fishier than his story, precious.
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After that, I finally made it to the Town Hall. I’m sitting there, trying to focus, but my mind’s all over the place. I can’t stop thinking about that dog. And then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! I’m like, “Seriously?!” Everyone’s rushing out, and I’m just standing there, half in shock, half laughing.
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