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I tried it once—yep, me, Dubya! Got on Tinder, swiped a gal, thought, “She’s hotter’n a Texas summer!” We chat, she’s all flirty, then bam—asks for my credit card. Fool me once, huh? I ain’t no dummy! “The truth’ll come out,” like in *Spotlight*. Blocked her faster’n you can say “mission accomplished.” Still, it’s wild out there—folks hookin’ up in 10 minutes flat! Little known fact: back in ’03, some dude invented speed-dating on a dare. Sex-dating’s just that on steroids!

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I decided to join in. I mean, why not? I’m not too shabby at footie. We played for a bit, and I felt like a kid again. But then, I tripped over my own feet (classic) and landed right in the mud. I was covered! The kids were laughing, and I couldn’t help but join in. It was hilarious.

Huge 185-home development approved despite opposition and split vote