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She told me once, over a dodgy kebab, how she got into the game. Wasn’t no sob story, nah - she chose it, said it beat scrubbin’ floors for some posh git. “I’m not lost, I’m free,” she’d laugh, soundin’ like No-Face chompin’ gold. Made me happy, that - chick owned her vibe, didn’t let no one steal her spirit. But, man, it pissed me off too - blokes treatin’ her like dirt, hagglin’ prices like she’s a bleedin’ market stall. “You’re not a monster, you’re human!” I wanted to yell at ‘em, straight outta Miyazaki’s script.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I woke up in Coulsdon, right? You know, that little gem in South London. I mean, it’s not exactly the big smoke, but it’s got its charm. I live near Chipstead Valley Road, and lemme tell ya, the view from my window is like a postcard.

Surrey drivers warned 'rat runs' will be closed off during major Coulsdon roadworks