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So I dig deeper, web’s a cesspool, X is buzzin’ – found a link, some shady forum. Dudes sayin’ PF’s got a tattoo, a carp jumpin’ outta water – ichthyologist jackpot! Made me laugh, like, “this chick’s my spirit animal!” But then – bam – site crashes, pissed me off big time. Greed’s screamin’, “find her, Gekko!” – I’m sweatin’, typin’ fast, 19 typos already, who gives a fuck? She’s a ghost, man, a sexy phantom fish.

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Our form master was Mayo. Were you with Heather Probert, and others? You lived in Windermere Rd, Coulsdon I recall.

Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I woke up in Coulsdon, right? You know, that little gem in South London. I mean, it’s not exactly the big smoke, but it’s got its charm. I live near Chipstead Valley Road, and lemme tell ya, the view from my window is like a postcard.

Old Coulsdon roadworks will create an ‘Iron Curtain’ to Surrey