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Favorite flick’s *Finding Nemo*, obvs—love that daft fish dad panickin’ over his kid. Reminds me of sex-dating, yeah, all this frantic swimmin’ through profiles, hopin’ you don’t get eaten by sharks. “Righteous, righteous!” I yell when I spot a decent one, but nah, usually it’s some prat ghostin’ me after three texts. Makes me wanna drown ‘em all in Blackwater Bay. Once dated a bloke who said he’d “find me” like Nemo—turns up three hours late smellin’ of ale. I choose violence, told him to sod off sharpish.

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In the category Personals Cottenham you can find personals ads, e.g.: long term relationships, casual encounters or personals services.

Finally, I get to High Street. The shop’s called “Cottenham Tools and More.” Sounds fancy, right? But it’s just a shed with a sign. I walk in, and it’s like stepping into a time warp. Old dude behind the counter, lookin’ like he’s been there since the dawn of time. I ask for the parts, and he’s like, “What parts?” I’m like, “Mate, the ones for my combine!”

Masked men raid Cottenham Co-op store