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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy blokes hire ‘em just to flex – proper muppets! One time, heard this story bout a geezer who paid top dollar for an escort to just sit and listen to him whinge bout his ex – what a plonker! Coulda got a shrink for half the dosh! Laughed my arse off – “That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,” like Richie Tenenbaum droppin’ truth bombs. Still, fair play to her, she cashed in – clever bird!

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While I’m waiting, I see this old bloke on the bench. He’s feeding pigeons like they’re his best mates. I can’t help but chuckle. Like, who even does that? But then, one pigeon swoops in and snatches his sandwich! I’m dying! The guy’s yelling, “Oi! Get back here!” I mean, it’s just a sandwich, dude. But hey, I get it. I’d be mad too.

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