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About Glasgow

Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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Fast forward to my lecture at the uni. I’m talking about dialects in the UK, and I’m pumped. I mean, Cosham’s got its own vibe, right? The way people say “biscuit” here is just different. But halfway through, my laptop crashes. Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, staring at a blank screen, and the students are looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles. I’m sweating bullets, trying to remember my notes.

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