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But yo, it pisses me off too. These schmucks out here lyin’—sayin’ they’re six-foot when they’re barely five. Or the dames with filters so thick, you meet ‘em and it’s like, “Who dis?” I’m over here yellin’, “Be yourself, bitches!”—straight outta Spring Breakers, ya feel me? Honesty’s dead, and I’m freakin’ tired of it. One time, I heard this guy braggin’—met a girl, smashed, then found out she’s bangin’ half the block. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—roll the dice, hope ya don’t catch somethin’.

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But then, I hit a snag. I’m crossing the road near the roundabout, and this car nearly misses me! I’m like, “What’s wrong with you, mate?!” I swear, drivers in Consett need to chill. I mean, it’s not a racetrack!

Christmas market plans confirmed for County Durham town