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About Newcastle

We’re at it, and I’m thinkin – bloody hell, this ain’t no fairy tale! No “tunnel to a new world” here, just creaky springs and her fake moans. Laughed tho – she slips and calls me “duke” – me, a duke! “We shall fight on, crowned in glory!” I roar in me head, crackin up. Funniest thing since me mate Dave fell offstage pissed.

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After the castle, I decide to stroll down to the Conisbrough Park. It’s a nice spot, you know? Green grass, trees, the whole shebang. I sit down on a bench, and this old bloke starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the good ol’ days when Conisbrough was the place to be. I’m nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Yeah, mate, but have you seen the state of the roads?”

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