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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, and I reckon sexual-massage is a right twisted game. Makes me wanna scream, “I choose violence!” – but nah, let’s chat it like mates over wine. This ain’t no soft rub-down, yeah? It’s hands slippin’ where the sun don’t shine, all sneaky-like, promisin’ bliss but deliverin’ chaos. Reminds me of that monk in *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring* – y’know, the one rowin’ his arse across that lake, thinkin’ he’s pure? Bollocks! Sexual-massage is like that – looks calm, but it’s a storm brewin’.

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But then, outta nowhere, this cute dog runs up to me. A little Jack Russell, all wagging tail and energy. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you wanna help?” He just looks at me like, “Nah, I’m just here for the fun.” And honestly, that made my day.

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