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About Glasgow

So, last week, my buddy Bubba—he’s a hoot—tells me ‘bout this chick he saw, givin’ a sexual-massage so good he swore she was a faun, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, whisperin’, “This is our secret now.” I’m like, “Bubba, you dog!” Laughed ‘til I near peed myself. Ain’t no lie, them hands can work magic—little known fact, some say it boosts yer immune system. Science or hogwash? Hell if I know, but I’m sold!

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Turns out, it was a false alarm. Classic Colne, right? Just when you think you’re gonna have a heart attack, it’s just some kid messing around. I’m standing there, trying to catch my breath, and I see the old pub on the corner, The Crown. I could really use a pint right now.

Letter: Reopening of Skipton-Colne railway not worthy of support