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Aight, fam, listen up! Me, a carpenter, yeah, hammerin’ nails by day, dreamin’ o’ love by night. Sex-dating, innit? Proper wild ting! I’m sat here, thinkin’ bout them apps—swipe left, swipe right, like choosin’ wood for a shelf. “Is it ’cos I is black?” I says, when some posh bird ghosts me. Nah, mate, it’s the game—fast, messy, like sawdust in ya face.

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But then, things took a turn. I’m floatin’ past the old railway station, and I see this fella, right? He’s tryin’ to fish, but his line’s all tangled. I’m thinkin’, “Poor bloke.” So, I paddle over, offer a hand. Turns out, he’s from Belfast, just tryin’ to catch a trout. We get to chattin’, and he’s tellin’ me about the best spots in Coleraine. I’m like, “Mate, I’m the raftsman! I know all the spots!”

Coleraine win play-off fixture against Strabane - Alpha Newspaper Group