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Gets me giddy though, the thrill! That “will they, won’t they” buzz. Like in “Blue,” when Adèle’s all, “I’m happy, I’m burning up!” – that’s a good date, mate. Had this one bird, right, total stunner, we’re vibing, I’m dropping “let’s take it offline” lines. Next thing, she’s at mine, it’s all steam and giggles – success! But then there’s the flops – lad I know got catfished by his ex’s mum! Swear down, I nearly pissed meself laughing.

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Once we’re outside, I spot a couple of students chatting. They’re all like, “What’s the plan now?” I’m just standing there, trying to look wise, but honestly, I’m just as lost as they are. Finally, the fire brigade shows up, and it turns out it was a false alarm. Phew! But I’m still a bit rattled.

Colchester mayoress completes skydive challenge with world-famous army regiment