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Here’s a fun fact—didja know sex-dating’s been around forever? Like, ancient Rome had these “lupanars”—brothels with menus! You’d walk in, point at a wall painting—boom, there’s your order. Today it’s digital, but same diff. Swipe right, pick your poison. I’m imaginin’ Ennis swipin’ on Jack, goin’, “Hell, I can’t quit this app!” Makes me laugh, but also—kinda sad, y’know? I got mad once—guy on Grindr ghosted me after three nudes! Three! I’m like, what, my lighting wasn’t tortured enough for ya?

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Next thing I know, I hear a knock on the door. It’s Mrs. Thompson from The High Street. She’s like, “Is everything alright, dear?” I’m like, “Yeah, just havin’ a little power outage party!” She laughs, bless her heart. She’s always been a gem. Brings me fresh eggs from her hens. I owe her big time.

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