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Met this lass once—escort, swore she saw ghosts in hotel rooms. Said it’s the loneliest job—fancy dinners, then nada. Surprised me, coz I figured it’s all glitz. Nope, it’s “please, make me feel alive,” like David the robot boy beggin’ for love. Gets me antsy—R2, you little git, where’s the logic? She’d laugh, “C-3PO, you’d short-circuit in my heels!” Haha, probs true—me, totterin’ in stilettos? Disaster.

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Then, I decide to check out the Cockington Village Green. It’s so lush and green, perfect for a picnic. I plop down on the grass, and just as I’m about to munch on my sandwich, a squirrel comes outta nowhere and tries to steal it! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But the little guy’s relentless. I end up sharing my lunch with a squirrel. What’s my life?

Patrick the Pony heading for Devon County Show