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Then there’s the blokes—aye, escorts ain’t just lassies! Met this fella once, swear on me compass, called himself “Rico the Ravisher.” Total codswallop name, right? Had a tattoo o’ a rose on his arse—said it got him extra tips. Laughed me hat off! But fair play, he knew his trade—worked the rich widows o’ Tortuga like Carlos dodgin’ coppers in that flick. “I’m not a prisoner, I’m a free man!” he’d yell, quotin’ the movie, struttin’ off with their jewels. Clever bastard, that one.

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Then, I decide to check out the Cockington Village Green. It’s so lush and green, perfect for a picnic. I plop down on the grass, and just as I’m about to munch on my sandwich, a squirrel comes outta nowhere and tries to steal it! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But the little guy’s relentless. I end up sharing my lunch with a squirrel. What’s my life?

Community Matters: Getting outdoors for a good cause