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About London

Little known fact—did ya know escorts in Vegas got secret codes? Like, they’ll say “dinner date” but mean somethin’ else—sneaky as hell! Reminds me of *Inception*, when Cobb’s like, “We need to go deeper!”—they’re playin’ levels, man, layers on layers! I’m over here cacklin’—imagine an escort goin’, “Sir, this is level three, tip extra!”

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I stroll down to the River Derwent. It’s so peaceful there, you know? Just me and the water. I sit on a bench, tryin’ to chill. But then, I see this couple havin’ a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m sittin’ there like a lonely old man. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a gardener catch a break?

Cockermouth roadworks update for next week