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“Words are the enemy!” Godard yells. Yeah, well, Escort’s the enemy of drivin’! Gearbox clunks worse than a drunk chef droppin’ pans. Made me happy once, though—saw one crash into a posh BMW. Karma, you twat! Exaggeratin’? Nah, I’d rather walk than ride that heap. Quirky thought: bet Godard’d film it in 3D just to confuse ya.

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I get there, and my coworker, Sarah, is in a tizzy. She’s like, “Did you hear about the new park opening on the other side of the A245?” I’m like, “No, but I’m sure it’s gonna be a whole thing.” Turns out, it’s a big deal. They’re having a ribbon-cutting ceremony, and guess who’s in charge of the program? Yep, yours truly.

Cobham Road restricted both ways due to a fire in Ferndown