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Oh, and the cash – escorts rake it in, fam! Top ones charge thouusands a night – thouusands! – and I’m over here like, “I can’t even afford tacos.” Total racket, but gotta respect the hustle. Dr. Evil – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!” – that’s chump change to ‘em, ha! Annoys me tho, ‘cos where’s MY payday?

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Next, I decide to check out the local park, you know, the one by the leisure center? It’s a nice spot, but today it’s full of kids playing footy. I’m just trying to chill, but these kids are running everywhere. One of them kicks the ball, and it comes flying at me. I duck just in time. Phew!

Crews tackle flames overnight as wildfire takes hold in Coalville