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So, check it—got this pal, right? Swears escorts saved his bacon once. Not the sexy kind, nah—hired muscle! Big dude, tats everywhere, escorted him through some sketchy alley. Felt like a king, he said—til the bill hit. Oof, wallet cried harder than me watchin’ *Amour*’s end. “I’m still alive,” he goes, quotin’ Haneke vibes—kinda poetic, kinda dumb.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I woke up in Coalville, right? You know, that little town in Leicestershire, UK. Not exactly London, but it’s got its charm. Anyway, I was all set to hit the shops on High Street. Thought I’d grab a cuppa at that little café, you know, the one near the Co-op? Yeah, that one.

105-home Leicestershire village plan set for green light in spite of concerns