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Alright, so here’s the deal—sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, what’s the big fuss? It’s like, you’re gettin’ rubbed down, but oh no, it’s gotta be *sexy* too! Pretty, pretty good, right? I mean, I’m no expert, but I’ve heard stuff—y’know, whispers from weirdos at the deli. Sexual-massage ain’t just some backrub from your cousin. Nah, it’s got *intent*, it’s got *vibes*. Like in “Uncle Boonmee”—“The past is a distant echo,” but here, it’s echoin’ somethin’ steamy!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a baker in Coalisland is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I wake up at the crack of dawn, right? The sun’s barely peeking over the hills, and I’m already knee-deep in flour. I live on Main Street, just a stone’s throw from the old church. You know, the one that looks like it’s been there since the dawn of time?

Tyrone man held a knife to his throat during incident, court told