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About Newcastle

Me fave bit? The hunt, precious! Scrollin’, stalkin’ profiles—ooh, she’s fit! He’s dodgy! Typin’ “hey sexy” with me grubby fingers—14 typos, prolly, coz I’m rushin’, all excited! Once sent “wanna bang?” to a nun—profile said “spiritual,” oops! Laughed me head off, then cried a bit. Gollum’s a fool, ain’t he? Hiss! Surprised me how many fakes there are—catfish everywhere, stealin’ pics, lyin’. One time, met a “model”—turned up, bloke with a beard! “You love your job, don’t ya?” I hissed, like in the film—sarcasm dripin’ like venom.

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So, I’m standing there, watching the chaos unfold, when I bump into an old mate from school. We start chatting, reminiscing about the good ol’ days. He’s now a lifeguard at Cleethorpes beach. I’m like, “Dude, you’ve got the best job ever!” He laughs and says, “Yeah, but it’s not all sun and fun.” I get it.

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