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Once, this bloke on Grindr—fit as a fiddle—sends me a dick pic afore “hello.” I’m like, “Thou brazen knave!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns, acrobats, all wantin’ a quick tumble. I’m picky, see, want a spark, not just a poke. “Look at me, one day left,” Monty groans—aye, I feel that! Wastin’ time on duds pisses me off fierce.

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As the night rolls in, I’m feelin’ a bit tired. I decide to head back. But on my way, I pass by the Cleethorpes Leisure Centre. There’s a sign for a karaoke night. I’m tempted, but then I remember my singing voice. Let’s just say it’s not winning any awards.

Taylor joins Cleethorpes Town on loan