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Me? I’m pissed sometimes. ‘Cause. Society’s all judgy. Callin’ ‘em names. Like. Who cares? They’re hustlin’! Happiest I get? Hearin’ stories. ‘Bout escorts outsmartin’ creeps. One time. This gal. Convinced a john. He was allergic. To. Her perfume! Sent him runnin’. Sneezin’! Laughed my ass off! Surprised? Sure. When I learned. Some escorts. Got degrees! Brains AND beauty. Dang!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave bursts in. He’s all outta breath, looking like he just ran a marathon. “You won’t believe this!” he yells. Apparently, there’s a sheep on the loose on the A595. I’m thinking, “Only in Cleator-Moor, right?” So, we both dash out to see this spectacle. And there it is, a sheep just chilling in the middle of the road, like it owns the place. Cars are honking, people are laughing. It’s pure madness.

Former Cleator Moor High Street betting shop could become new Greggs