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Favorite part? When it works, sugar! Met this one gal—ooh, she was fine—smart too, actuary like me! We clicked, had us a lil’ fling, and I’m hollerin’, “Halleluyer, thank ya, Jesus!” Felt like a movie star, not some strung-out soul. But then—BAM—she ghosts me! I’m sittin’ there, mad, thinkin’, “Everybody lies, Harry!” like Ellen Burstyn screamin’. Broke my heart, y’all—sex-dating ain’t for the weak!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave bursts in. He’s all outta breath, looking like he just ran a marathon. “You won’t believe this!” he yells. Apparently, there’s a sheep on the loose on the A595. I’m thinking, “Only in Cleator-Moor, right?” So, we both dash out to see this spectacle. And there it is, a sheep just chilling in the middle of the road, like it owns the place. Cars are honking, people are laughing. It’s pure madness.

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