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My fave part? When they hit that spot—y’know, lower back, and I’m like, “Oh, damn, I’m alive!” Surprised me first time. Thought I’d levitate. Prolly looked dumb, mouth open, droolin’ a lil’. Don’t judge me, aight? It’s intimate but chill, like you’re in on a joke nobody else gets. Oh, and the scented oils? Lavender’s my jam—smells like peace, not like my boy’s sweaty gym socks.

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I fire up my blaster, and the noise is deafening. I’m in my zone, right? But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down. I swear it was aiming for my lunch! I’m dodging and blasting, and I’m like, “Oi! Not today, feathered fiend!”

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