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Lemme tell ya somethin’—little known fact comin’ atcha. Back in the ‘80s, escorts had this secret code. They’d advertise “massages” in the yellow pages—wink, wink. Ain’t that slick? Sneaky lil’ business trick—Disgust’s goin’, “Eww, but smart!” I’m surprised every time I dig into this stuff. What’s the profit margin? Are they stashin’ cash like squirrels? Bet some are—others, nah, they’re spendin’ it on Gucci faster than you can say “Bing Bong!”

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit the beach. I mean, it’s Clacton-on-Sea! The sun’s out, and the beach is packed. I grab a fish and chips from the stall on the seafront. Best decision ever! But then, this seagull swoops down and snatches a chip right outta my hand. I’m like, “Oi! That’s mine!” The people around me are cracking up. I’m just standing there, chipless and defeated.

Nigel Farage says 'I am taking my job as a Clacton MP seriously'