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Look at it, squat lil’ thing, boxy as Margot Tenenbaum’s frown. “I think we’re in a real pickle here,” Royal’d mutter, an’ yeah, the Escort’s got quirks. Gearbox clunks like a drunk uncle at a weddin’. But there’s charm, innit? Saw one pimped out once – spoiler big as me ego, made me laugh ‘til I cried. Proper mental! Then some twat nicked Dave’s stereo – made me ragey, wanna punch a wall. “You’re a bastard, Royal,” I’d yell, but nah, just life in the Escort lane.

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But then, the mood shifts. I get a call from my mum. She’s in a bit of a pickle. “Your dad’s lost his wallet again!” she says, all frantic. I’m like, “Mum, how many times?!” So, I promise to help her out after work. Family, right? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

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