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Drivin’ it? Smooth as a velvet suit. Four gears, nippy engine – 1.3 litre, nothin’ fancy, but it’d scoot ya round the bends like a randy rabbit. Loved takin’ it down Carnaby Street, birds givin’ me the eye, blokes jealous as hell. Made me feel like, “I’m not going to waste time,” straight outta the movie – all moody and intense, ya know? But bloody hell, the rust! Ate those Escorts alive – proper pisses me off. Mate o’ mine had one, chassis looked like Swiss cheese in a year. Gutted, I was!
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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a driver stuck on the Thames Embankment. He’s like, “I can’t move! There’s a swan!” A bloody swan! I’m cracking up. I tell him, “Just honk your horn, mate! It’ll move!” But nah, he’s too scared. I swear, I’ve seen tougher pigeons than that guy.
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