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Met this lass once—escort, swore she saw ghosts in hotel rooms. Said it’s the loneliest job—fancy dinners, then nada. Surprised me, coz I figured it’s all glitz. Nope, it’s “please, make me feel alive,” like David the robot boy beggin’ for love. Gets me antsy—R2, you little git, where’s the logic? She’d laugh, “C-3PO, you’d short-circuit in my heels!” Haha, probs true—me, totterin’ in stilettos? Disaster.

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But then, I get a text from my mate, saying he’s at The Crown pub. I’m like, “Dude, I just had a serious day!” But who am I kidding? I can’t resist a pint. So, I head over. The Crown is always buzzing, and I need that vibe.

Cinderford end season in Red