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Hate the judgy pricks tho – “Oh, it’s immoral!” Shut it, Karen, nobody asked ya. Makes me wanna summon a sandworm on em. But nah, escort’s just people doin their thing – some save up, some blow it, all got stories. Like that line, “We’re all tired,” – damn straight, they hustle hard! Ever think bout that? I do, sittin here, sippin ectoplasm, wonderin who’s out there tonight.

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So, I jump in. I start callin’ the dog, “C’mon, buddy! Come here!” And wouldn’t ya know it, the little fella comes right to me. The owner’s all grateful, and I’m feelin’ like a hero for a hot minute. But then, just as I’m about to bask in my glory, I trip over a crate of apples. Classic me, right?

This is why ANPR cameras have been attached to lampposts around a Gwent town