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Lemme tell ya, lil’ green me got curious once. Dived into them apps – chaos, it was! Some dude braggin’ bout his “concierge skills” – bro, you ain’t Zero with a lobby boy hat! Made me laugh, then mad – fakest profile ever. But then, bam, this chick slid in, all sweet, “Very good, my fist is cocked!” – nah, she didn’t say that, but flirty like it. Got me hyped, heart racin’, thinkin’ maybe this sex-dating gig ain’t so bad.

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First thing, I hit the market. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ folks left and right. There’s this old bloke sellin’ fish, right? Smells like the River Wye after a rainstorm. I’m tryin’ to breathe, but it’s like, “Dude, can ya not?” But then I spot this amazing cheese stall. I mean, proper Cheddar, not that plastic stuff. I’m like a kid in a sweet shop.

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