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Oh, and the typos? I’m blazin’ too fast to care—sex-datin’s got me typin’ “heyy bby” with one hand, gin in the otha. Snoop don’t sweat the small shit. Like, one time I matched this chick, she ghosted mid-chat. I’m like, “Fo’ real? That’s wack!” Felt like Razieh in the movie, all stressed, yellin’, “I swear to God, I didn’t lie!” But she did, fam—she lied ‘bout wantin’ the Doggfather. Hella rude.

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So, I’m walking down the Promenade, and it’s buzzing. People everywhere, sipping their coffees, chatting away. I love that vibe. But then, outta nowhere, I see this guy on a bike. He’s zooming past, and I’m thinking, “Dude, slow down!” But nah, he swerves and nearly takes out this poor old lady. I was like, “What the heck, man?!”

Cheltenham Festival: Drivers warned of possible M5 congestion