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But here’s what chaps my hide – folks judgin’ it! “Oh, it’s dirty!” they squawk. Bullcrap! It’s science, ya prudes! Muscles loosen, stress hightails it outta there – what’s wrong with that? “The dead don’t care,” Saul’d mutter, but us livin’ folks? We deserve a damn break! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ – it’s art, like paintin’ a barn with yer hands tied. Takes skill, y’all! I seen this gal once, hands like a wizard, had me floatin’ – thought I’d died and gone to honky-tonk heaven.

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So, I leave, caffeine-less and cranky. I decide to walk it off, head down to the Chelsfield train station. I’m thinking, “Maybe I’ll just hop on a train to Orpington or something.” But nooo, the trains are delayed. Classic. I’m standing there, watching the clock tick like it’s mocking me.

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