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About Sheffield

So, I’m picturin’ this—me, Larry David, needin’ an escort. Not like that, get your mind outta the gutter! I mean, like, someone to drag me through life ‘cause I’m losin’ it daily. But okay, let’s talk real escort—hired company, right? I’m fascinated, honestly. Didja know escorts go back forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae” or some crap. Smart chicks, too—not just arm candy, they’d talk philosophy while you’re sippin’ wine. Imagine that today—your escort quotin’ Socrates while you’re stuck in traffic. I’d lose my mind! “Hey, honey, less Plato, more speed!”

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So, I’m fuming, right? I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Fulham Road. The barista, bless her heart, spills hot milk all over the counter. I’m like, “Girl, you okay?” She laughs it off, but I’m just thinking, “This is a sign. A sign of chaos!” I get my flat white, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling better, but then I see the price. £4.50 for a coffee? I could’ve bought a whole meal for that!

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