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Here’s a mad one – in Japan, they got this “nurumassage” thing, slippin round with seaweed gel! Seaweed! I’m picturin meself as a sushi roll, laughin me tits off. “Sharon!” – she’d lose it if I came home smellin like a fish shop. Surprised me, that did – who thinks, “Yeah, let’s slime up for kicks”?

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! It was sunny two minutes ago! I dash for cover under a tree, and I’m standin’ there, soaked and annoyed. I’m thinkin’, “This day just keeps gettin’ better.”

Biker seriously injured in Chelmsley Wood as medics give trauma care at roadside