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Me? I’d be ragin’ too – angry, not horny! Last time some fool tried rubbin’ me up, I near broke his wrist. “Hands off, you wretch!” I snarled, channelin’ that monk haulin’ his stone up the hill – penance, yeah? That’s what it felt like, pure torture masked as pleasure. But – hear me out – when it’s good, oh, it’s bloody divine. Like that scene where the lake’s all still, reflectin’ everythin’ perfect? Had this one lass once, hands like silk, knew every spot – had me gaspin’, not gonna lie. Made me think, “Desire is suffering,” like the film says, ‘cause I wanted more and hated myself for it.

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The owner of a Thai massage business has revealed she gets calls "every single day" from people asking if her staff offer sex work.

Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need you at the new site on Parkway!” I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” But I can’t say no. So, I chug my pint and dash out.

Day by day bank holiday weather forecast for Essex as temperatures to drop